Trusting the Process when Trust feels Impossible

Two wooden boats docked together on a serene lake, surrounded by majestic mountains and a forest of autumn-coloured trees.

We live in a world that glorifies instant results. Overnight success stories flood our news feeds, and patience can feel like a lost virtue. So, when you are struggling in some way in therapy and hear the phrase “trust the process”, it can sound impossible, like someone telling you to just breathe when you feel like you’re drowning! Trust is such a small word, but it's meaning is underpinned by so much. In this post, I'll explore what trusting the process means, why it matters and how you can choose to embrace it, even when you feel uncertain.

So what does your therapist mean when they say 'trust the process'?

Trusting the process involves holding space for your doubts, and leaning, gently, toward the possibility of change. It's surrendering the need to control every outcome, to have faith that consistent effort, time and resilience will lead you where you're meant to be.

Why Trust can feel Impossible

For many of us, trust has been broken before. Maybe we received inconsistent care as a child, have been victims of abuse, or life has handed you losses so big that optimism feels risky. Maybe your own inner critic is the loudest voice, saying:

“Nothing will ever change.”

"You can't"

“You’ll always be stuck.”

“This is just who you are.”

When you’ve been wounded it’s understandable that you’d struggle to trust anything or anyone, including yourself. This is because our nervous systems are wired to protect us from more pain; so distrust can feel safer than risking hope or showing vulnerability. So, if trusting the process seems impossible, you’re not failing, you're simply being human.

Why trusting the process is important

So, how can we lean into trust when it feels impossible? Well the first thing is that it's not about pretending! It doesn’t mean ignoring or denying your feelings, be that, hurt, disappointment anger, fear, overwhelm....

True growth doesn't happen overnight and, that phrase, "The climb makes the view worthwhile" absolutely applies here. The value of not having an instantaneous 'fix' enables our resilience and tolerance to grow. Through the discomfort of not knowing, we have space to can find our own voice and our own path.

The small steps we take, the consistent care we give ourselves, and actively participating in our own healing all matter and they are essential parts of the journey.

Research by Cooper (2018) has shown that the quality of the therapeutic relationship is one of the strongest predictors of positive outcomes in therapy. Like any meaningful relationship, it takes time to build. As this connection develops, your relationship with yourself is also evolving too, deepening in ways you might not expect, and fostering new levels of appreciation, respect, and hope.

All this insight and change emerges gradually. Even when you can't see day to day changes, you are laying the foundation for long-term transformation.

How to Begin When Trust Feels Impossible

If you’re in a place where hope patience or trust feel impossible , here are some gentle ways to start:

1. Name what feels hard to trust.

   Be specific: I can’t trust that therapy will help. I don’t trust that I’ll ever feel okay again. I don’t trust that people won’t leave. Naming it doesn’t make it worse, it makes it more honest. We'll get curious about this and explore these difficult places together.

   
   

2. Remind yourself that you don’t have to trust everything.

   Trusting the process doesn’t mean believing every part of life is fair or good. It can simply be knowing that you've faced hard days before and knowing you got through them. That's not a small thing. This moment will also pass and change is possible. 

   
   

3. Look for evidence, however small.

   Look for one thing, however tiny, that shows change is possible. A day you chose to be kind rather than critical of your self. A time you surprised yourself. A moment you felt safe. A day you coped better than you expected.

   
   

4. Borrow trust if you can’t feel it yourself.

   If you have a counsellor, mentor, or caring friend, allow yourself to lean on their faith in you. Sometimes we need others to hold hope until we can pick it up again.

   
   

5. Focus on process over perfection.

   You don't have to have it all figured out. Healing isn’t linear. Growth is often messy. Bad days don't mean you are failing.

Trust isn’t a light switch, it’s a practice. and it's okay if it takes time. In fact, it’s okay if it feels impossible right now. The process is still unfolding, moment by moment. Just take one step, then another, something is happening, even if you can't feel it yet.